I am a NEW Latina.  Born in America and received by loving immigrant parents fresh from the Caribbean  I served as a beacon of hope to them who gave me the world and every opportunity possible for success.  I am driven and seldom take no for an answer.  I am a world traveler, a thinker and a thought challenger.  I speak my mind and I do so respectfully.  I play instruments, read books, and wear pants.  I stop men dead in their tracks when they try to get fresh with me.  You picked the wrong one, mijo.

I am a Caribbean woman.  Raised around conch, red snapper, peas and rice.  Raised in a Barrio, my parents instilled the island principles in me.  I can name (most) of the movies Sidney Poitier has starred in or directed.  I know the old time nonsense songs about Bullfrog and the sounds of the Junkanoo band.  I know how to tell when fish is going bad.  I fish without a rod.  I know what crystal clear water looks like.  I’ve built a boat, had pet chickens and climbed trees for mangoes and avocado.

I’m mixed.  Weird looking eyes, soft, curly hair, and an accent that doesn’t quite fit.

Morena. Latina. Bahamian Dominican. An Afro-Latina. Uniquely me.  Supreme.  Esta negra si tiene tumbao. From the way I roll my “r’s” sharing the latest gobseed with my sister to the way I roll my hips to the sweet sounds of Soca from my stereo- a sweet memory of my childhood.  Reminiscent of the island life my parents left behind in search of better opportunities.  I am a reflection of my roots.  In every way I represent my the countries I come from.  Bahamas, Dominican Republic… it’s all me.

A lot of times it’s because I was making the mistake of trying to intertwine my life with another, considering their feelings and opinions with my decisions instead of doing what was best for me.  That is incredibly dangerous.  Fleetwood Mac couldn’t have said it better in the song “Landslide”

I’ve been ‘fraid of changing, cuz I built my life around you

How many times have you done that?  Made accommodations for another to find those accommodations sure as hell weren’t made for you in their life.  It hurts, but that’s a lesson.

You have to roll with the punches no matter how hard they  land.  Take it in stride and don’t be afraid of stumbling.  When you’re paralyzed with fear remember that you have no where to go but forward.  Push forward in your life’s goals and never lose sight of what you want.

When you’re facing a decision, make sure you’re doing what’s best for YOU.

This phrase infuriates me to no end.  My skin literally crawls when I hear someone say this or anything close to this.  A lot of people want to sit and complain about today’s society- how kids are so messed up and how our education system is failing, blah Blah BLAH.  I rarely hear how these people are doing something about it.

I remember over the holidays my parents and I were watching tv.  The ASPCA commercial with the animals and the sad music came on- honestly it makes me sick to my stomach to watch this stuff-  my mom goes “omg please change this I can’t bear to watch it!”  My dad then turns to her and says “Well, what are you doing about it?”

“What are you doing about it”

This really got me thinking.  All of the things that upset me can be helped in some way.  I can’t handle it when people complain and don’t take action.  Recently, I have seen a lot (A LOT) of professionals doing the bare minimum to get by.  They come in, do their work until 5pm and then leave.  They also sit around sometimes and spend the day about how they are so busy, but do nothing all day! If they are taught to screw the cap on a tube of toothpaste, that’s what they will do day in and day out.  The best way to do a good job where you are is to learn what your role is in the bigger picture.  How does your job of screwing the cap on the toothpaste help your company?  Wheat happens before the toothpaste gets to you?  What happens after you?  Knowing this can help you become a vital employee to your company.

Nowadays, everyone is afraid to lose their job, so they hesitate to speak up when they see something is amiss and are quick to point the finger at someone else when something goes wrong.

People refuse to be accountable for their actions.  When something goes wrong they fall silent, hoping that the finger is not being pointed to them.  Mind you accountability and responsibility are two very different things.  You are responsible to do your job.  Accountability means that you ensure that the ball is not dropped on the job or project you are working on.

Know the difference between accountability and responsibility.  if you have an issue with something, change it!  If you see a problem in your work place, see if you can suggest to someone how to change it.  You always have the power to make a difference no matter how small the difference may be.

In Latin! (oh yeah, I’m so fancy!)

This is very important.  To know yourself, you need to know what you are capable of and keep close to your heart things you know that are true of yourself.  Many people will start rumors about you and many people will try to tell you who you are- or who you aren’t.

If you know who you are you know where you come from, it’s a lot easier to know where you’re going.

Know who you are.  Stay true to yourself.  Be your You-iest you.

But how often do you really do that?  Realizing there’s a need for change in your life isn’t the issue, it’s making the commitment to continuously alter your old habits into more, constructive and manageable habits.  It doesn’t need to be extreme it really just happens to be the little thing.  I came to this realization over time.  I am a career development counselor working with young men and women in changing bad habits into more constructive practices.

My team and I don’t typically ask for sweeping and overwhelming changes that would shock them, but rather small and manageable alterations to behavior.  One thing we ask for the students is simply show up to class.  Next week, we’ll work on making measurable success  in class.  A lot of students push back, but once they try it they often times revel at how much easier it is to start doing better while making the small changes instead of waking up to a “brand new me.”

If they can make good life choices and changes, why can’t I? Today I will be starting a 31 day reset.  I hope to keep up with it this time!  Will you join me?

I sat on the thought of doing this post for a while.  In the wake of Whitney Houston’s death a lot of people are paying their respects and remembering a true gem to the music industry.  In a way I feel guilty.  Whitney had regal beauty, a dazzling smile and unparalleled fashion sense.   I LOVED Whitney, but once she fell off with drugs abuse and her ridiculous relationship with Bobby, I strayed away.  I remember Whitney as the beautiful and dynamic woman in The Bodyguard, the soulful and self-reflective woman in Waiting to Exhale and an amazing performer in just about every song I’ve ever heard her do.  That’s how I always wanted to remember her.

It is difficult to express how I feel about Whitney’s death.  To be honest, I feel like Whitney died years ago when she and Bobby began to use drugs and behave distastefully.  It is difficult to come to grips with Whitney’s real death.  To me, it’s like she died twice and that just doesn’t feel right to me.

Whitney was a living legend, a testament to how easy it is to have everything in instant and hit rock bottom the next.  Allegedly, she was working on a comeback but there was no way of going back to the 90’s Whitney we knew.

I remember listening to Whitney with my parents and getting chills.  I want to compare her voice to velvet, or chocolate or something tangible…. But there’s no possible way to do so.  Whitney’s voice was a glimpse into Heaven.  Warmth that came from the inside out.

I choose to ignore the cruel things said about a woman who could sing so earnestly on love, loss and women’s empowerment.  Whitney was a wonderful artist and I will always love her.

Whitney will forever be a musical inspiration.

Dual documentary Directors/Producers D. Channsin Berry (Urban Winter Entertainment) and Bill Duke (Duke Media) took their cameras into everyday America in search of pointed, unfiltered and penetrating interviews with Black women of the darkest hues for their emotional expose’, “Dark Girls”. Two years in the making and slated to premier at the Toronto International Film Festival, “Dark Girls” pulls back our country’s curtain to reveal that the deep seated biases and hatreds of racism – within and outside of the Black American culture – remain bitterly entrenched.

When I first arrived, I didn’t have any expectations about the movie.  I wanted to be as open minded as possible when watching.  The movie opens up with an absolutely beautiful black little girl looking in the distance as an off screen voice asks her why she doesn’t like being black.  She looks into the camera and says simply; “because I’m not black”

The documentary included a cast of very influential psychologists including Dr. Cheryl Grills.  Grills tells us of the downfall of unity amongst blacks when slaves were emancipated without a plan of what to do for them afterwards.  There were no set plans in motion as to how they will move on from their slave owners. Blacks were “people without real rights, they weren’t considered real people.”  The phrase “colorism” was used a couple of times in her explanation.  “Colorism,” which is prejudice or discrimination in which human beings are accorded differing social treatment based on skin color.

Psychologist Dr. Ronald Boutelle talked about a time where an individual’s worth was based on your skin color in comparison to a paper bag.  Can you imagine?  Your beauty, intelligence and overall value in the world are based on your skin compared to the color of a paper bag.

While we like to blame outsiders for our self-hatred.  It really comes within.  Conceptions of color come within our race.  We are the ones telling our children to “stay out of the sun”, so they don’t get dark. We are the ones who use the terms “tar baby”, “ijgaboo” and say “I’d never date a dark skinned man/woman.”

One girl even admitted that Whites made her appreciate her skin color while Blacks made her question it.

Michael Coylar, an actor and comedian pointed out our innate sense of right and wrong based on color.  Black is bad. White is good.  The movie took a sad turn when young women admitted to begging their mother to put bleach in the water so her skin gets lighter.  One man recalled how his grandmother would only hire light skinned blacks to work in their store because she thought dark skinned blacks would steal from them.  He also confessed that he continued his grandmother’s practice when hiring, but shirked all responsibility stating “It was ingrained in me! It wasn’t my fault.”

One young man in a New York City subway station pointed out the rarity of two dark skinned people dating.  Relationships in general are a sad story for black women entirely.  41.7 percent of. Lack women have never been married compared to 20.1 percent of white women.  Black women are the least coupled women in the US.

Something I didn’t agree with in the movie was its ending.  The movie ends with a woman saying “rise dark girls.”  I disagree with this call to arms.  As black people, we should all rise. Together.  Black men and women of all color and background should come together in praising and rearing our young black children.  Our society is falling apart because adults would rather shake their head in disgust than pull someone aside and educate them.

There’s a lot more to this movie, but I don’t want to ruin it for you.  I highly suggest that you check it out!  Watching this did raise a few questions for me: Do men have similar issues with being dark skinned?  There were a lot of mothers and aunts that had something to say, but you didn’t see fathers speaking in this documentary.  How does the role of the father affect a woman’s on her skin.

This movie was the first step of a long self-discovery journey I will be taking.  Black is beautiful.  It is not bad.  I am black.  I am Latina.  I will be sharing with you different movies, books and articles that I have and will be reading to better understand the relationship between blacks and Latinos.  It is certainly a relief to find that there are black and Latina females out there that are just as confused as me!

To my dark girls… you are beautiful!  You are the color of fertile soil from which the green grass grows.  You are the color of savory chocolate- a taste that everyone covets.  You are deep and dark like the night with glistening stars, and a round moon that inspires every dreamer.  Your skin is the softest cashmere hypnotic to all who touches it.  You are grace style and class.  A wonderful beautiful woman and you are a queen.

Here is the trailer:

Happy New Year!  It’s crazy that we are already in our third day of the new year!  I hope you had a lovely holiday and brought in the New Year in a good way.  I know I did .

We all make New Year’s resolutions and some of us are good about keeping it.  Are you?  To be honest, I don’t make resolutions just on New Year’s, but that’s typically when I’m asked about them.  I believe that every day is a great time to start a new life and make steps towards creating a better you ( a more you-ier you!).

Many people fall off the resolution bandwagon within the first month.  Are you one those folks?  Do you know someone who is like that?  If so, here are a few tips from me on how to keep a resolution (or 3… or 5!):

KNOW yourself- you know what you are capable of.  Set goals within reason.  If you want to lose weight, strive for a healthier lifestyle rather than just vigorous exercise.

Sometimes you can’t go cold turkey- various sources say it takes about 21-28 days to break a bad habit.  Sometimes it takes baby steps.  Wean yourself off of bad habits rather than completely eliminating it.  This will lessen the chance of relapse.

If you fail, forgive yourself and try again… but change your action plan a bit-   Whats the point of doing the exact same thing you just attempted if you failed?  It didnt work the first time, that means you have to go about it differently! If you fall off the bandwagon, there’s no reason to give up and wait until next year.  You can always try again.  Don’t get down on yourself if you fall short.  Every failure is a lesson

Share your goals- It’s always good to tell people what you are planning to do.  It will allow for them to be a support for you and you give yourself a little motivation of having to complete it so you don’t look too silly.

Find a support group or a group of similar interest- Not only will you make new friends, but you will have a group of people who are trying to achieve the same goals as you.  You will get advice from different vies and will be able to share what you learn with them as well.  There are a lot of websites out right now that are promoting monthly renewals to a better you.  Check out these renewal challenges offered by New Latina and Happy Black Women.

Know yourself- Yeah, I listed this twice because it is SUPER important.  Know what you are capable of!  Following advice is always great, but you must also realize that this advice must works best for you.  It’s great to step out of your comfort zone, but not too far out. Some people can change things in their life instantly, others cannot.

There you have it.  Remember that you matter! There’s so much out there for you.  Take the opportunity to grab it!  Share your talents with the world.  We all have something to give that will benefit this world.  That’s why we are here.  Best wishes for a happy and prosperous 2012.  Make this year count!

Peace and love,

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The birth of our Lord certainly does bring about miracles.

I wish you all a blessed and beautiful Christmas and a happy prosperous New Year!!

 

Isaiah 9:6For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

 

It’s a shame that this young man basically died trying to be popular/ fit in.  At 26, he had a lot going for him…I guess.  I know a lot of people try to blame the School, the president, the director, the band, the members, etc. etc. etc….. but when it boils down to it, the magic phrase is PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.  You can’t blame your actions on other people.

This is proof that peer pressure doesn’t just affect teenagers.  We face it everywhere.  From commercials basically telling us, “wear this and be noticed by the opsite sex” to threats (“if you dont attend this concert or consume this product you will not be seen favorably by your peers”).

It’s really scary stuff.

Hazing is a very serious, dangerous and humiliating process for the victims.  As an undergrad, I would hear pledges for various organizations talking about the crazy things they had to pull to earn their letters.  Ladies and gents, stick to your guns!  Remember to do what is right.  If you ever have to do something demeaning to fit in, it’s probably not worth it.

Then again, I do know of a few people willing to do whatever it takes to be in a certain, club, group, sorority, fraternity, etc….

To each their own.